{"id":13708,"date":"2026-10-29T02:20:47","date_gmt":"2026-10-29T06:20:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/?p=13708"},"modified":"2026-11-09T15:22:20","modified_gmt":"2026-11-09T20:22:20","slug":"the-next-chapter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/?p=13708","title":{"rendered":"The next chapter"},"content":{"rendered":"

EVERYONE LOVES A GOOD LOVE STORY, and Barbara \u201cBobby\u201d Gitenstein says the one she had with her husband, <\/span>Donald Hart, was \u201cremarkable.\u201d So much so that she plans to tell a chapter of their story \u2014 through their letters \u2014 <\/span>in her next book.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hart passed away in August. While he was sick, Gitenstein read to him each night. It started with books, but then she <\/span>remembered a box of letters from the fall of 1969 to the spring of 1970 that captured their budding relationship while <\/span>she was finishing her undergrad at Duke and he was studying at the University of Alabama. They had just spent the <\/span>summer together in their hometown of Florala, Alabama, and the letters were what kept them connected across their <\/span>616-mile divide. It was just a couple of weeks before Hart died that Gitenstein read the last letter to him. <\/span>Her book will be about \u201cthe importance of remembering people as they were, and as you want to remember them,\u201d <\/span>says Gitenstein. She graciously shares snippets from a few of their first notes \u2014 and the last \u2014 here.<\/span><\/p>\n

SEPTEMBER 16, 1969
\n<\/span>Dear Bobby,
\n<\/span>The proposition \u201cout of sight, out of mind\u201d may be true, but <\/span>only in reference to Descartes and not toward you. <\/span>(Translation: I love you).
\n<\/span>I am way over my head this semester \u2014 but I will read my <\/span>way to the surface. Just for the record \u2014 18 hrs. of <\/span>philosophy. <\/span>I am spoiled, for intellectual companionship in Florala <\/span>(Alabama!) was more stimulating than here with <\/span>4,000 \u201cscholars.\u201d Thank you again and again for being <\/span>(ontologically and existentially) Bobby.
\n<\/span>I have an address, General Delivery, University, Ala. 35486. <\/span>I also have a telephone \u2014 and although I\u2019ll <\/span>probably <\/span>never call you, you may call me collect any time you want <\/span>to: 205-348-4593. (That sounds terrible, but you know <\/span>what I mean.)<\/span><\/p>\n

Please write.
\n<\/span>I love you,
\n<\/span>Don<\/span><\/p>\n

SEPTEMBER 19
\n<\/span>Durham, N.C.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dearest Don,
\n<\/span>What a wonderful welcome back to school your letter was! <\/span>Reading it was (and of course is and will be) almost as <\/span>beautiful as speaking with (or talking to) you. And just <\/span>like my relationship with you \u2014 it wasn\u2019t really the first <\/span>reading \u2014 but the second, etc., which became Don. And it <\/span>has evoked that feeling which is characteristic of most of <\/span>the time I\u2019ve spent with you this summer \u2014 a sort of quiet, <\/span>almost contained (which is almost unheard of in my <\/span>nature), but intense, limitless joy. I do love you.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve finally gotten myself unpacked. Frankly, I can\u2019t <\/span>believe it\u2019s done. But what a nice thing to have finished. <\/span>I dislike it so. Already I can see how pleased I\u2019m going to <\/span>be with these living arrangements. I just don\u2019t think I <\/span>could put up with a roommate for another year.<\/span><\/p>\n

I certainly hope that won\u2019t be an impossible work load for <\/span>you. I can\u2019t imagine taking eighteen hours of one subject! <\/span>I\u2019m ashamed to even tell you how many hours I\u2019m taking \u2014 <\/span>just twelve.
\n<\/span>I love you,
\n<\/span>Bobby
\n<\/span>P.S. And in the same way in which you gave me your phone <\/span>number, I give you mine: 919-684-2132. It\u2019s just in case <\/span>you should need me one night when a letter just won\u2019t do. <\/span>I miss you.<\/span><\/p>\n

MAY 3, 1970
\n<\/span>University, Ala.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dear Bobby,
\n<\/span>For me to say \u201cI love you\u201d seems so redundant to me, <\/span>but then I know (and remember) that you like for me to <\/span>tell you. But can you really, honestly, doubt my love for <\/span>you? I am in love with you! In fact, I don\u2019t even want you to <\/span>know just how important to me you actually are, for you <\/span>might be frightened or made conceited. But I think not. <\/span>You would still be Bobby. You would still love me. I\u2019m not <\/span>making any sense. I am trying to say I love you this week <\/span>more than ever; each day I now realize things about you <\/span>which make me love you more.<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope to get something done on my paper tonight. Right <\/span>now, I have a headache, for the library was noisy (60 cycle <\/span>hum from the lights, which drives me batty). I think I shall <\/span>lie down and let my eyes rest just a few minutes, but will <\/span>write more later tonight.<\/span><\/p>\n

Later:
\n<\/span>I want us to form a partnership and build, together, two <\/span>whole lives, which will be richer and more beautiful than <\/span>1 or 1\/2 or 2 or 3! I have made up my mind that the who <\/span>(i.e., Bobby) is more important (now and forever) than the <\/span>what (i.e., philosopher-teacher).<\/span><\/p>\n

I need to leave Alabama. Don\u2019t feel guilty, and don\u2019t be <\/span>conceited. I am not coming to N.C. just for you, Bobby, <\/span>but yes, partly for Bobby, partly for Don, but mostly for <\/span>\u201cus.\u201d (I really don\u2019t think that deserves quotes anymore, <\/span>do you?)
\n<\/span>I must sleep. Maybe a few more lines in the morning.
\n<\/span>I love you,
\n<\/span>Don<\/span><\/p>\n

MAY 16
\n<\/span>My Darling,<\/span><\/p>\n

Please, Don, know now, I love you. You are the most <\/span>beautiful, wonderful thing in my life. And that\u2019s no mean <\/span>feat, for most of my life is beautiful and wonderful. Most <\/span>of my experiences have been good, and out of all those <\/span>\u201cgoods,\u201d there\u2019s Don, the very best happening of my life. <\/span>You make every bad thing seem OK. Even the ugliness of <\/span>the great big world is bearable.
\n<\/span>Don, you are gentleness and are beyond belief. I never <\/span>hoped for half of what you are. The thought of being <\/span>together for really long periods of time really thrills me <\/span>beyond my love of even now. But the thought of a life <\/span>together \u2014 that is so beautiful, I almost cannot bear the <\/span>thought. Sleep well, darling.
\n<\/span>I adore you,
\n<\/span>Bobby<\/span><\/p>\n

JUNE 2
\n<\/span>Durham, N.C.
\n<\/span>Dearest Bobby,<\/span><\/p>\n

In case you were wondering why I wrote you a letter <\/span>when you are just a few blocks away \u2014 I\u2019ll just tell you <\/span>frankly \u2014 did you really think that I would let you get the <\/span>last word in? <\/span>Thank you for each word you wrote to me this year. Thank <\/span>you for each moment that you missed me. Thank you for <\/span>each thing you learned to say, and, more than I know <\/span>words for how to say thank you, thank you for not being <\/span>able to say things, for running out of words, for needing <\/span>new words or better words or just words. Have you <\/span>considered just what not having the right words means? <\/span>I consider it empirical evidence that we love one another.
\n<\/span>I love you,
\n<\/span>Don<\/span><\/p>\n

Photo: Peter Murphy<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Former TCNJ President R. Barbara Gitenstein looks back to move on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13749,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13708","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-on-campus"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13708","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13708"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13708\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13814,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13708\/revisions\/13814"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/13749"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13708"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13708"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.tcnjmagazine.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13708"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}